I change very much, all the time. I am me and I am free. At least I hope I can think freely.

But I can be so very very strong. At such  times, I can get anything I want, even when I'm tired.

I'm happy, I'm fascinated, I get irritated by some "blind" people, disrespectful ones I cared about.

I'm a creature of love, not of hate.

Although death has fascinated me my whole life. Death and horrors, life and pain and extasy.

Frustration, manic, so friendly, so pretty, so by my self, almost alone.

Dreams are my one and only passion. I dream at night, but sleep too little.

I'm happy and I'm frustrated and I'm very  pig-headed sometimes.

I'm desirable to have around, but not for too long, people beg, I am reticent sometimes...

I respect and get lots of energy from nature, I have a tattoo of my own symbol of nature on my wrist. I love my garden.

I love a just fight. I love quick reacting, organizing things, shooting people (in a game or maybe if really neccesairy, but fortunaly never needed to), intervening, translating between people who cannot talk together (like my parents). Saving lives. Last summer I did...I got blood all over me and never washed my shoes and jacket since.. The colour disappeared, but the feeling never went away. People forget and people ignore. But I try never to forget.  I am here and now!

Someone called me a friendly girl. I was thinking. If I'm friendly, the rest of the world is probably less friendly then I am. Disappointment. Again.

I am an oddity. 

I love black and latex and spikes and girls and dreams and things that look nice, powerful  and exciting. I used to love elves above all, above hell. But I'm more hell now.

 

f.a.q.'s:

I have friends at the Church of Satan Amsterdam, A Shaman "initiated" me,  Wicca they teach me, in the love of the Baha'i faith I believe. All were in my dreams as a 4 year old, in the things I thought, the things I did. But, I know so many people from all kinds of directions, performing magic, hating falseness, just being themselves. There are a very few I really like. And those ones are so powerfull and filled with the right energy.
You could name it Chi, Tsi, The source of pure energy, God, Allah, Mother Nature, or any name you want to give it. It doesn't matter for me what the truth is, it just matters how you behave.

I went to Barcelona by car. A friend was driving. In the middle of the night he was cursing the french people because the road was being repaired. He tried to drive as fast as he could, so that there wouldn't be much delay. He swore because the roadsigns were too small to read. I got really angry with him.
The reason that the signs are so small, is that they want you to drive slowly. Every weekend lots of roadworkers get killed because of these testosteron-powered people.
In alt.nl.emma+viola I once told that they should give world leaders, businessmen and rapists anti-testosteron injections, and there would be no more war. :-)
When I see something I don't like, I prefer to see my life as a quest, and see obstacles this way: An obstacle, a puzzle, what would be the best way to deal with it? Like a self-test.

Newsgroups I started: alt.nl.emma+viola , nl.spiritueel.

 

I keep getting emails from people who warn me about satanists and ask me if I'm a satanist.

I cannot consider myself a satanist because I believe that there are many sources of higher knowledge you can learn from.
I do not feel inclined to reject ideas just to adhere to the orthodoxy of one faith. They all overlap each other so the nucleus is the same, after all. I also think that there is such a thing as Yin and Yang... a good and a bad side to everything, so I did not reject satanism outright and demonise
it- in the end it's all about what kind of person you are.
The goal satanists have (illumination, growth and development including astral travel, herbal lore, stone and rune magic etc... etc...) is found in most other religions.

I personally think that many religions and spiritualities overlap a lot. I will find my own way...
I'm chirpy, happy and my two feet are firmly planted on the ground. I think I should be able to go places :-)

About music:

Madonna, Fields of the Nephilim, Type O Negative, Eurythmics, Nina Hagen, Babylon Zoo, Gorefest,  Satyricon, David Bowie, Nick Cave, Lou Reed, KX tekno, Eric Satie, Eric Dolphy, Dead can Dance, Swans, Rammstein (when I met them live, they were psychopaths and extreme and intense, I loved that power and they loved me, they called me a goddess( I still have that on tape HA!) ), the Dreamside (real close friends, the singer and guitar-player ; ) )